Who’s Fault Is It?

Can I be a best selling author? I believe the answer is yes, I can be.

I am currently not a published writer. The key word here is published. I am a writer. A writer is a person who writes on a regular basis, at least by my definition (and that is the only one that matters, right?). I strongly believe that I can be a best selling author. I understand that the statistics point in a different direction, but I say sucks to your statistics. As much as I love math, I reject that it can predict what I am capable of.

I think that achievements such as this boil down to putting in the work, whatever that looks like. As far as I can tell, every other successful author believes something very similar. I did not get my belief from them though, I am lucky enough to have been born with it and to have had it reinforced through my life's experiences. I didn't become a good machinist by circumstance. It isn't something that just fell into my lap. I worked for it. I didn't end up dating and marrying the best woman on this planet because of fate or destiny. I worked at it…for years. My wife and I didn't have a movie theater handed to us, we busted our butts for months to be able to buy it. I don't think I will hit the best sellers list because I want it or because my story is just that good. I think I will have to work for it. All of the many, many, many things (yes, three manys) that I have failed at I didn't work at, at least not hard enough for them to succeed. I am honest with myself about this, it is a fact. I know these things did not pan out because I didn't put in enough effort.

Want to hear the best part? I don't think I am anything special, not by a long shot. It is very frustrating for me when people call me smart or imply that I know everything. Frustration bordering on anger. I am not trying to be self deprecating or force false humbleness, those things to me are ugly. I mean this. What I have achieved in my profession and in my life I have worked for. It may seem like talent or gifts when viewed from the outside, and I admit that these things play a role in our lives, but most of it was just that I tried. Everything looks easier when you aren't the one doing it. When someone chalks up a good program I wrote to inherent abilities it is almost as if they spit at all the hard work I have put in, as if it was all nothing, as if these things just landed in my lap. They don't see all the failures I have went through. They don't see the hundred hour weeks or the all nighters. They don't see the trade offs and sacrifices. They think they are in a lesser position because that is where their dice landed. I see other things though. I see laziness. I see going home to watch TV and drink beer or smoke weed. I see people doing the bare minimum to get by while they wish and hope for better things to fall in their path. I don't see anything wrong with any lifestyle so long as the person leading it understands it is their choice and they don't attempt to rationalize it with crappy excuses. I have lived parts of my life in a similar fashion, and it was nice in a way. I also know that it was my choice, and I chose not to do that anymore.

I may be successful in parts of my life, and I can assure those are the parts that have been worked on the most. When I make stupid excuses and rationalizations for my own laziness I have a part of me that points out the truth, that I am choosing not to try. Can I write a best selling book series? Yes, if I put in the right work and time to achieve it. So, if I don't make the best sellers list, it is no fault but my own. This I believe to be true.